The Vacation
by Emerald Awakening
Summary: What happens when the Varia decides to take a vacation?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Unfortunately Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me...

It was a normal day in the Varia mansion. Squalo was screaming, Bel was stabbing Fran, and Xanxus had finally shot the new cook. Yup, everything was going great until dinner.

"DAMMIT LUSSURIA, WE ARE WASTING TIME ARGUING THIS!"

"But Squi-chan~, I think everyone deserves a little break!"

"VOOIIII LIKE HELL WE'RE GOING ON A VACATION!"

"Ushishi, relax captain. We're going to use Levi's credit card so everything's covered"

"Oi Bel, I never agreed to that!"

"Ushishi it was the Boss' idea"

"THERE'S NO WAY THAT SHITTY BOSS AGREED TO ANY OF THIS!"

"You can't defy Xanxus' wishes!" Levi shouted back

"No one cares Levi~"

"VOII-"A wine cup was thrown at his head.

"Shut up trash"

"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

"Boss~ we're all going on a vacation~"

"…"

"See Squi-chan, the boss totally agrees~"

"QUIT CALLLING ME THAT"

"Ushishi all in favour of going raise their hands or get stabbed"

Everyone but Squalo raised their hand.

"Well let's all get packed~

So after some packing, screaming, stabbing, and shooting, everyone got into the SUV and headed to the airport.

Miraculously they arrived without anyone getting killed…

"Hey Bel-senpai, where are we going?"

"Disney land of course, it's the only place suited for a prince"

"But when the kids see your face they will all run screaming in fear of the ugly fake prince"

Bel threw some knives at Fran, (un)fortunately his frog hat blocked them.

"VOOOIIIIII WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS STOP PLAYING AROUND?! WE ARE NOT GOING TO FRICKEN DISNEY LAND!"

"Long haired commander you're too loud everyone's staring"

"SHUT UP!"

"You're the one screaming"

"All of you stop it~" Luss scolded, "We're going to be staying at some beach resort in California. I can't wait until you all see my new speedo~"

"…"

"I can't wait to see the Boss in his-"

"No one cares"

So the group made its way to the security check. Fran went through first.

"All clear" The man supervising it called. "Next"

Bel walked through.

"Ok, next"

"Bel-senpai how did you get through without your weird shaped knives being detected?"

"Because Froggy, I am a prince" He flung a few at Fran, "And they're not weird!"

A loud beeping sounded as Squalo walked through.

"You're going to have to put your sword away miss"

"VOIII DO I LOOK LIKE A FRICKEN WOMAN TO YOU?!"

"…"

"ARE YOU BLIND?!"

"We can't let anyone suspicious pass through. If you do not put it away I'll have to-"

"ARE YOU AN IDIOT?! CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S ATTACHED?!"

"But-"

"LISTEN UP! I'LL SKEWER YOU IF YOU DON'T LET ME PASS!"

"N-next"

The same noise went off as Xanxus passed.

One glare from him had the man cowering and switching it off.

Lastly Lussuria went. A glance at the rest of the Varia strengthened his resolve to go on a washroom break as Lussuria's metal knee sounded the alarm.

The group was finally on their way to the gates.

"OI LUSSURIA! WHY ARE WE GOING THROUGH THE AIRPORT WHEN WE HAVE OUR OWN PRIVATE JET?!"

"I thought it would be funner this way. Plus ticket costs are paid by Levi's card so we should spend as much as possible~"

"JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN TICKET!"

"Here everyone~"

"Hold it. Why am I stuck beside the stupid frog?"

"WHY THE HELL IS THE BOSS THE ONLY ONE IN FIRST CLASS?!"

"Well Bel-chan if you prefer to sit beside moi, then Squi-chan can sit beside Fran-chan!"

"I don't won't to go deaf or get stabbed"

"There's no way the prince is going to sit beside you"

"Bel-chan is so mean to me!"

"VOIII LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY!

So the Varia found their seats and the flight took off peacefully… not.

"Oi frog, I get the window seat"

"What did I do to get stuck beside a fake prince for eight hours?"

Bel stabbed Fran.

Fran had hoped that maybe someone would notice that there was a psycho tiara wearing Cheshire smiling/laughing maniac stabbing him, but no, everyone was too focused on Squalo who was screaming at the top of his lungs and waving his sword at the poor flight attendant telling him to calm down.

Speaking of pschos…

"Hey Bel-senpai"

"What?"

"Are we forgetting something?"

"…No"

"Hmm I could have sworn that we're missing something"

"If we were don't you think I'd have noticed?! I am a prince"

"Whatever you say fake prince" *Stab

Meanwhile somewhere else a flight to Alaska took off.

"I wonder which seat the Boss has?" Levi said looking around for the rest of the Varia.

"No one cares" Said the person beside him.

...To be Continued


	2. Chapter 2

Squalo

For his life Squalo could not figure out what he did to deserve sitting beside Lussuria eight hours straight. He closed his eyes in an attempt to block out the other's constant rambling.

"Squi-Chan I am SO excited for this~ What about you Squi-chan are you excited? I bet you are!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT UP LUSSURIA!"

That same flight attendant from before came up to them.

"Excuse me, but you have to quiet down… Sir?"

Well at least she wasn't dumb enough to mistake him for a girl.

"Ma'am?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ALL THE PEOPLE WORKING HERE?"

"Excuse Squi-Chan, He forgot to take his pills this morning" Luss told the flight attendant.

"I AM NOT ON ANY DAMN PILLS!"

"I see. I have a brother who needs chill pills, may I recommend anger management for your friend?"

"That is exactly what I've been saying, see Squi-Chan she agrees!"

"VOIII"

"Don't worry Squi-chan, we're all here for you!"

He was in Hell. The plane must have crashed and now he was in Hell destined to spend the rest of eternity with Lussuria… No. That was too cruel a fate even for an assassin like him. Wasn't it?

He got up and moved to the opposite side of the plane where Bel was stabbing Fran.

"ONE OF YOU BRATS ARE SWITCHING WITH ME RIGHT NOW!"

"I volunteer Bel-Senpai as tribute"

*Stab

"Take the stupid Frog"

"Senpai could you stop stabbing me?"

*Stab

"Hey long-hair captain, why don't you ask Xanxus?"

"LIKE HELL YOU BRAT"

"Hey Senpai did you notice that the stupid long-hair captain says hell a lot?

"Ushishishi"

"I DO NOT"

From behind the curtain which separates First class, a bottle of wine was thrown hitting Squalo directly in the head.

"Shut up trash"

Definitely Hell. Squalo made his way back to his seat, defeated. Lussuria was looking out the window and for a second he hoped the other would be too preoccupied to bother him.

"Oh Squi-chan you're back~! Let me tell you abou-"

"VOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

* * *

Bel

Bel had stabbed Fran for annoying him. He stabbed Fran because he was bored. He stabbed Fran for being Fran. Now half way through the flight even he was tired of stabbing him.

"Oi Froggy I'm bored. Entertain the prince"

"People who get bored easily have no personality Senpai"

*Stab

"People who resort to violence are known to have low intelligence too. Not that I'm surprised"

"Shut up!"

Fran always managed to get on his nerves.

"The prince is ignoring you"

No answer. He looked over, Fran's look of indifference pissed him off royally.

"Stupid Toad"

Still no reaction. Well whatever he could just use this time to rest. Using Fran's frog hat as a pillow he leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Hey Senpai, you remind me of that princess sleeping beauty right now. Except she was a real princess while your just a fake prince… She was also pretty and you're ugly. I don't see the similarity anymore"

"Shut up Fran"

"I thought you were going to ignore me? You should really stick to your word or else no one will take you seriously"

*Stab

Annoyed, he began thinking of ways to get rid of Fran… He could break the window beside him and push Fran out of the plane, but then again Boss would probably get mad at him for attracting attention… Maybe there was someone on the plane willing to buy Fran. No, no one in their right mind would waste money on such an un-cute kohai…

Suddenly Squalo came charging towards them out of nowhere.

"THAT'S IT!"

He watched with glee as Squalo grabbed Fran and threw him out of his seat. He was not so happy when the stupid shark took a seat there himself.

"VOIII!"

"Ushishi, what's got you so mad sharky?"

"THAT DAMN LUSSURIA HASN'T SHUT UP SINCE THE PLANE TOOK OFF! THEN HE DECIDES HE NEEDS TO USE THE WASHROOM AND SLAMS HIS ASS RIGHT IN MY FACE WHILE PASSING BY!"

"Ushishishi"

"SHUT UP BRAT OR YOU'RE GOING TO SIT BESIDE HIM!"

Bel pouted. Man his teammates really were an annoying group to be with.

Squalo reclined back in peace only to have the little girl behind him start kicking his seat.

"THE FUCK!"

"Calm down captain you're giving me a headache"

"I SWEAR I"LL KILL EVERYONE ON THIS PLANE!"

"Hey hey loud person, do you like flying, I love flying, I-"

"SHUT UP!"

Somehow another wine bottle hit him straight in the head.

"Trash"

The girl started pulling his hair.

"VOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII!" He turned and stabbed through his seat hoping to "accidently" slice the girl. Unfortunately for Squalo his sword got stuck in it.

The girl continued kicking his seat.

Squalo tried pulling his sword out to no avail. Finally he sighed in defeat. "I hate my life"

"Ushishishi"

* * *

Fran

Fran made his way to first class. He noticed an empty seat and sat there.

"Stupid long-hair captain" he said to himself.

He could hear screaming from behind and watched as Xanxus who was two seats in front of him throw back his wine bottle without looking or aiming.

*Crash

The shouting stopped.

For the rest of the plane ride Fran relaxed in peace and enjoyed the First class treatment.

* * *

Lussuria

It was midday when they arrived at their destination. It was a simple hotel next to the beach, needless to say everyone looked ready to kill Lussuria for reasons unknown to him.

"So guys, I'm gonna go on ahead and book us some rooms. Don't have too much fun without me~"

He went inside. There was a line to the front desk so he grabbed a magazine to kill time.

"Oh my! An article on family bonding! It's best for family to talk out their problems, and be connected to each other"

After reading all the "helpful" suggestions, it was finally his turn.

"Hi how can I help you?" The smiling lady asked.

"What kind of rooms are best if I want the family to stay connected?"

"I would suggest a honey moon room for you and that special someone, and a double-twin room for the kids"

"That sounds perfect! Add the best suit you have to that!"

"Here's the keys, enjoy your stay!"

Lussuria went back to where he left the rest of the Varia. Bel and Squalo were arguing over who had the better weapon while Xanxus was nowhere in sight.

"I'm back~"

"IT'S ABOUT TIME! WHERE'S THE DAMN ROOMS?!"

"Quiet down I have the keys right here. These are for Bel-chan and Fran-chan. Your room is on the third flo-"

"Lussuria why are you holding out one key?" Bel asked with a nervous grin.

"Well I think this trip is about reconnecting so I asked the nice front desk person and she suggested a Twin room for the kids~"

"HAHAHA HEAR THAT BRAT? NICE JOB LUSSURIA!"

"Why thank you~ for me she recommended a honey room to go with a special person. Aren't you lucky Squi-chan?"

"Ushshishi, karma's a bitch isn't it Squalo?"

"LIKE HELL I'M STAYING IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU! DAMNIT QUIT LAUGHING BEL!"

"And for the Boss I picked out their most luxurious suite! I'm sure he'll love it~"

"WHY DOES THAT TRASH GET HIS OWN ROOM?!"

"You're making a scene again stupid long-hair captain"

"SHUT UP!"

"Fran-chan where's the Boss?"

"He went to the closest bar"

"Of course he you see him hand him his keys won't you? I'm going to go change and hit the beach~!"

They all watched as he skipped off.

"Ushishi, anyone else in favour of killing him?"


	3. Chapter 3

Bel

Bel stormed the steps of the hotel making his way to his room. Fran was following behind at a much more casual pace. Once he reached the number imprinted on the key he went in slamming the door and locking it.

"Bel-Senpai you locked the door"

He ignored the stupid Toad. This was all Lussuria's fault. That dumb pervert was going to die by his hands.

"Let me in Senpai"

Since Lussuria had Levi's credit card no one thought to bring their own money so he couldn't just get another room either.

"Senpai, did the stupid long-hair captain's shouting make you deaf?"

Looking around he noticed the room had two beds. So it could have been worse. Bel shivered at the thought of sharing a honey moon room with Lussuria… For once he actually felt bad for the annoying shark.

He heard the door open.

"Ushishi Froggy, how did you get in?"

"I made an illusion of the key, idiotic fallen prince"

*Stab

"I'm not happy sharing a room with you either. I don't want to get stabbed while I sleep"

*Stab *Stab

"I'm going to go give the Boss his key before he shoots the place down" With that Fran left.

With nothing better to do, Bel flopped down on the closest bed.

Squalo

Squalo deliberately walked slowly not wanting to see what awaited him. Couples surrounded the halls. Oh how he hates his life at the moment!

When he got to the room he slowly reached for the knob and cautiously opened the door.

"Ooh Squi-chan isn't this like a dream come true?!"

Squalo stared.

Inside was a pink heart shaped bed with rose petals scattered on top, as well as a pink love seat, pink walls and frilly pink curtains.

"NIGHTMARE'S MORE LIKE IT!"

"I'm glad you love it!"

"WHEN DID I SAY ANYTHING CLOSE TO THAT?!"

Ignoring him Lussuria started stripping his clothes off.

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?"

"Hee hee, I'm changing silly~"

Squalo turned in time as to not go blind.

"Well what do you think, sexy right~"

Lussuria strut out the room wearing nothing but a neon pink speedo. Knowing Lussuria, Squalo was more surprised it wasn't a bikini.

"Squ-Chan I'm gonna find the rest of the boys so we can head out for dinner! You better not be late!"

Squalo frowned, no way could he let Lussuria order his dinner. With his luck he would end up with something strange and inedible.

Squalo ran after the flamboyant man. At the entrance the two ran into Bel.

"Squalooo I'm bored"

"What a coincidence Bel-chan, we're getting dinner!"

"Tch, when do we go home?"

"We're here three days brat"

"Actually, since three days seemed so short I booked the rooms for a week! No need to thank me~"

Squalo froze. A week. A fucking week stuck with Lussuria.

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"

* * *

"Here Boss" Fran tossed the room key in Xanxus direction. They were at some bar in the middle of the beach.

"You know him?" The bar tender asked in a hushed voice, "His glare is scaring away all my potential customers. Pay and leave!"

"Tell him yourself baldy"

"You runt! I'm going to ki-"

"Shut up trash" Xanxus motioned towards his empty glass, "More"

"Y-yes"

"Bald and cowardly. I bet you're a depressed lonely person"

"Hey!"

"More"

"Baldy, you remind me of the lightning pervert"

"More"

"That's what we forgot. An umbrella in case it rains"

"Fran-chan~" Fran heard a familiar voice behind him.

"VOOIII, WE"RE GOING FOR DINNER!"

Xanxus took his glass and slammed it in Squalo's head.

"You're loud trash... More"

"Oh, no fighting boys, let's go~"

"W-wait! You guys need to pay for-"

"Trash" A glare from Xanxus shut the bar tender up.

The five made their way across the beach to the closest diner.

"Everyone's staring at us. Why're you guys still in your uniform? We're at the beach not a funeral!"

"Ushishi, the better question is what you're wearing?"

"More like not wearing" Squalo mumbled.

"It's called fashion~"

"The sun pervert has a twisted sense of fashion. Just like your crown, and my master's pineapple hair"

*Stab

"Let me order~"

"NO!" Both Squalo and Bel yelled.

"I'm ordering trash"

They all watched in shock as Xanxus got up and barked something at a waitress.

He came back and noticed everyone staring.

"Trash"

After some arguing and waiting, their meal finally arrived. Xanxus had ordered wine and steak for himself, and some sort of soup for everyone else"

"Ooh this looks scrumptious boss~"

Squalo eyed it suspiciously. It didn't look too extra-terrestrial... He took a big slurp from his soup.

"VOOIII THIS STUFF IS FRICKEN GOOD! WHAT IS IT?"

"Shark fin soup"

Squalo dropped his spoon.

"Sharky became a cannibal ushishi"

Squalo got up and ran to the nearest washroom.

Xanxus smirked, "Trash"

Needless to say, the restaurant was mysteriously destroyed that night, witnesses say by a flying blue-flamed shark and a shrieking sword-wielding maniac.


	4. Chapter 4

Squalo

To say Squalo had a rough night would be a HUGE understatement.

Lussuria claimed the bed that night so Squalo was left to sleep on the uncomfy loveseat. That aside, from where he was he could hear the couple in the next room doing it, and no matter how hard he kicked the wall and screamed for them to shut up, they just seemed to get louder. It was 6:00AM when they finally quieted down. But before Squalo could fall asleep, Lussuria, the morning person he was, got up and started making noise searching for things and humming.

"Squ~ it's a beautiful morning, you can't spend it sleeping silly!" Opening the curtains, the sun shined straight towards Squalo's face.

"OH MY FUCK DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?!"

Before he could react further Lussuria was beside him stuffing soap in his mouth.

"This is a non-swearing room!"

"VOOOIIIII"

Lussuria sniffed "Why is Squ-chan so abusive to me?" He ran out the room crying.

"About time" Squalo settled back in to the seat and tried to get some rest.

He could have slept if it wasn't for that damn window pouring light directly at him.

 _Fuck. Should I close it? No, that's too tiring…_

 _BUT IT"S SO DAMN ANNOYING! FUCKKKK!_

Giving in Squalo made his way across the room to close the curtains.

Glancing at the now empty bed, he settled in ready to spend the morning catching up on lost sleep. He was finally dozing off when the door slammed open by a wailing Lussuria.

 _I knew it was too good to be true!_

"It's terrible Squ! Bel and Fran th-they're being mean bullies!"

 _Pretend you're sleeping. If he thinks your sleeping he'll leave!_

"All I wanted was a hug!"

 _Don't move a muscle._

"Squalo would you hug me?"

Squalo got up and went to the flamboyant man. Raising his arms he stabbed Lussuria in the heart. Lussuria fell to the ground and died soundlessly while Squalo got back into bed and slept like a baby.

At least that's what he wanted to do! In reality…

"Listen to me Squ"

"Wake up Squ!"

"Squ"

"Squ"

"Squ"

"Squ"

"S-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD **SHUT UP**!"

"No more abuse! This whole vacation you've been treating me horribly with no explanation. What did I do to deserve such treatment Squ-chan?"

"THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD SAY!"

"Get out!"

"WHAT?"

"You heard me. From now on this is just Luss-chan's room. No mean sharks allowed in here!"

 _Whatever!_

Grabbing his things Squalo stormed out of Lussuria's room.

 _At least now I'll be rid of him!_

Belphegor

He'd been having the greatest dream of slicing and making a blood bath of all the unfortunate souls around him when suddenly a 78kg being landed on top of him.

Jerking awake he found a sobbing Lussuria on him. He tried to push him off but the man was just too heavy.

"A-and then h-he asked me if I had a death wish!" *Sniff "HE'S SO MEAN!" Sobbing more Lussuria entrapped Belphegor in a huge bear hug "AT LEAST I HAVE YOU"

"I think you're suffocating Bel-Senpai"

"NONSENSE! YOU AND SQUALO ALWAYS PICK ON ME!"

"Get off me!"

"WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?! AFTER ALL I DO FOR THIS FAMILY!"

Jumping up Lussuria ran out of their room crying.

"Is he PMS-ing?" Fran asked.

"The hell am I supposed to know what goes on in his mind" Bel snapped back.

"Just asking. Hey Senpai do you think Master would like a pineapple key chain as a souvenir? Or maybe a shirt with pineapples on it to match his hair style?"

Grabbing a pillow Bel threw it at Fran.

"That was really mean Senpai"

"Shut up!"

Getting out of bed he changed into some white swim-shorts.

"You think he'd like pineapple-printed trunks?"

Bel chose to ignore his uncute kohai. He was about to head out when the door slammed open and a crazed shark burst in with his bags.

"I'm staying here for a few days brats!"

"Or not" he quickly replied

"WHAT WAS THAT!"

"Ushishi~ the prince refuses to share a room with both a frog and a shark. Crawl back to your own room"

"You listen here **princess** , I've spent more than enough time with Lussuria to last my bloody lifetime so I **will** be staying here and won't be hearing crap about it from you or Fran!"

"Tch"

"So then the trio headed down to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. Coincidently they met up with the Boss and Lussuria. They all I ate and lived happily ever after"

"Who are you talking to?" Bel asked Fran.

"YOU BRATS SHUT UP!"

"Scum" Xanxus threw his orange juice at Squalo, "Get me some coffee"

"VOI! BEL GET HIM SOME DAMN COFFEE!"

"The prince doesn't take orders from peasants"

"DO IT OR YOUR MOVING TO LUSSURIA'S ROOM!"

"Stupid shark"

Getting up Bel went to the front of the cafeteria. When he got the coffee and went to pour the sugar, some old hag bumped into him causing the whole container to mix into the drink.

"Maybe the Boss like his coffee sweet?"

Returning, Bel sweat dropped as Xanxus gulped the whole thing down as if taking a shot. In that moment the whole world froze. First Xanxus' face formed a look of disgust, then he started laughing like a mad man. Jumping out of his seat Xanxus started doing cartwheels around the cafeteria.

"I LOVE LIFE" He screamed running out of the Hotel.

"Bel honey, what did you put in Boss' drink?"

"… A little sugar"

"JUST A LITTLE?"

"Some genius you are Senpai. I didn't even know it was possible to ruin coffee"

"Shut up!" Bel grabbed his knife and flung it at Fran's hat.

"YOU TWO! GO FIND THE SHITTY BOSS AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN"T GET US KICKED OUT OF THIS RESORT TOO!"

"Do it yourself"

"I'M NOT THE IDIOT WHO GOT HIM HIGH ON SUGAR!"

"The prince is going to the beach"

"OI, DON'T IGNORE ME"

"Ah, I'll come too"

"BOTH OF YOU GET BACK HERE!"

Whistling innocently Bel left as Squalo continued to scream.

"Ushishishi Dare~"


	5. Chapter 5

Fran

"Dare?"

"Ushishi~ how 'bout a game of dare or dare to pass time?"

"Hmm let me think about it Senpai. Thought about it. No"

"No choice Froggy. I dare you to go to that girl and kiss her"

Standing a few meters away from them was a young lady with pink hair.

"You're such a pervert"

"Don't tell me you forfeit?"

"What does the winner get?"

"It's what the loser gets. Loser has to spend a night in Lussuria's room"

"…That's evil. Fine Senpai don't regret this"

Fran walked up to the lady, "This is a dare" and kissed her.

His face was met with a punch.

"That's my fiancée you little bastard!"

"If you're going to punch someone, punch the laughing maniac over there. He dared me"

Fran returned to Bel. "That wasn't very nice Bel, you knew she is engaged"

"No one said anything about having to be nice"

"Whatever. I dare you to go up to that group of guys and tell them that they're cute"

Bel looked over to where Fran was pointing. There stood a group of Lussuria-Levi hybrid men all wearing neon coloured speedos.

"You've got to be kidding"

"You can chicken out but that means I win. More importantly you lose"

"I'll kill you when this is over"

Fran watched with hidden amusement as Bel sulked towards the group of hybrids. 1 second. 2 seconds. 3 sec- The men bear hugged Bel with what Fran assumes is "affection".

He kept his expression stoic as Bel started waving frantically at him for help. Fran waved back and watched as the hybrids dragged his Senpai away.

"Now I can go souvenir hunting"

Squalo

Dealing with Xanxus on a daily basis is not an easy thing to do. Dealing with a sugar-high Xanxus is **hell** worse.

"SQUALO! SQUALO! LOOK! I SEE MERMAIDS!" Xanxus pointed at some girls swimming.

"VOOIII WOULD YOU GET BACK HERE?!"

Xanxus stuck his tongue out at him.

"QUIT ACTING LIKE A FUCKING THREE YEAR OLD!"

His boss continued laughing and sprinting faster.

"GET BACK HERE!"

Xanxus finally stopped in front of a poor old lady.

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy,  
But here's my number, so call me maybe!  
And all the other boys, try to chase meee  
But here's my number, so call me maybeeee"

"ANYTHING BUT CARLY RAE JEPSEN!"

Tackling Xanxus to the ground the two wrestled. Of course being sugar-high gives you super strength so Xanxus lifted Squalo off and threw him at the old lady.

"I'M A BOSSS!"

Xanxus' laugh would put blood-high Bel to shame.

"ONWARD!" And Xanxus got away.

"Fuck. At least it can't get any worse than this" Of course he stood corrected.

Suddenly the skies turned gray and rain started pouring down on him.

"HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!"

"Anime logic, DUH" Holding an umbrella covering herself the old lady laughed at his misery.

"SQUALO! SQUALO! LOOK!" Xanxus came running back to him holding a rabid raccoon. "IT'S A PUPPY!"

"GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"

"BUT IT WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIENDDD!"

This time it was Xanxus chasing Squalo.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Is it even possible to outrun someone sugar-high?_

Seeing a closet Squalo made a right turn into it. Lucky for him Xanxus couldn't process where he disappeared to.

"Fucking close call"

"Ushishishi"

Turning he saw the prince of his nightmares.

"Why are you here?!" Squalo whispered as loud as he could. That ended up being a normal person's indoor voice.

"Damn Frog dared me to talk to some freaky Levi-Lussuria mutants. They started chasing me so I hid here"

Squalo shuddered. Lussuria alone makes a grown man cry. A group of them…

"You're lucky to be alive Bel"

"Ushishi what about you captain, why are you here?"

"Why?" He twitched "BECAUSE YOU SCREWED XANXUS UP AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!"

"Chill out"

"WHATEVER JUST GET OUT!"

"…The door's locked"

"What?"

Squalo grabbed the door knob. Locked. Thrusting his shoulder against the door was futile too.

"What kind of sick joke is the universe playing on me this time?"

"Ushishi I kinda like the universe's humour~"

"This is all your fault"

"Hm?"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

Leaping at the younger man Squalo proceeded to strangling Bel.

"C-captain"

"DIE"

Suddenly the closet door opened revealing a couple.

"Is this closet taken?"

"FREEDOM" Squalo rushed out.

"TAKE THAT UNIVERSE!"

Unfortunately for him security was on the look out for a running, screaming man...

* * *

A FEW HOURS LATER... STILL SQUALO

"I swear I'm gonna kill them all!"

Making his way to the brats' room he was as happy as a bastard on Father's day.

He got ready to barge in and scream them to deaf when he overheard Fran from the other side of the door.

"What are you staring at Senpai?"

"Your nuts"

Did he just hear that correctly?

"They look good don't they"

"Ushishi"

He should definitely not be hearing this conversation. Squalo pressed his ear against the door to listen better.

"They're irresistible Senpai. With your lack of self-control it must be killing you to watch me without doing anything"

Was that a suggestive tone he heard in Fran's voice?

"Shut up. The prince has tons of self-control"

Squalo resisted snorting. The only time you can put "Bel" and "Have self-control" together is when the word "Doesn't" is between them.

"Bel stop staring like that"

He heard a loud thump in the room.

"I told you so Senpai. Irresistible. But I don't like you on me"

Squalo felt his cheeks turn red as he imagined images to go with the rustling and grunts inside.

"Senpaiii"

Clearly he would not be getting any sleep here. Maybe the closet was still available...?

Bel

"Senpaiii"

"Shut up"

"But they're my peanuts"

"That's what you get for making me fend off those things..."

"It was dare or dare"

Finishing the pack, Bel got off of the squirming Frog.

"Senpai..."

"What?"

"You've gained weight"

* * *

 **Special thanks goes to _MrsRegulusBlack123_ and** _**sarahgri99**_ **for the reviews. You two rock ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Bel

Bel was swimming in the beach when a girl with beautiful red hair swam in front of him.

"Hi I'm Ariel"

"Ushishishi, a girl like you shouldn't be swimming out here alone, you might meet a killer"

"I only see a prince"

"Ushishi, and who might you be?"

"I'm a princess. And a mermaid"

True enough Ariel had a green tale.

"Would you like to meet my friend Flounder?"

Ariel grabbed his hand and they began to swim. It wasn't until Bel was so far away that he couldn't see the shore, that Ariel disappeared.

In her place a floating message said "Got you good Senpai"

Then it disappeared and Bel was alone.

* * *

Squalo

Squalo was in a peaceful dream when the door to the room he found slammed open and in came Lussuria.

"IT'S HORRIBLE! GET UP! GET UP!"

Perfect. 9:22 in the morning and Squalo was already being driven to insanity by a maniac.

"SQUIIII! YOU"VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING, IT'S BEL!"

This caught his attention.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SHITTY BRAT?"

"YOU NEED TO HELP HIM!"

"WELL WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"

"OH POOR BEL HE MUST BE SO SCARED! SQUI DO SOMETHING!"

"DO WHAT? ANSWER ME DAMNIT!"

"I CAN'T FIND BEL ANYWHERE I THINK HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED!"

"Wait" Squalo said slowly, in what was known to be his record quietest voice, "You've woken me up at 9:22 in the morning because you can't find Bel?"

"YES!"

Squalo had been through Hell before. He's even been to the Hell you go to after normal Hell. But this… No way could he put up with this any longer.

Fuming with anger Squalo leaped at Lussuria, with his sword pointing at the flamboyant man.

Luss jumped out of the way and kneed him in his stomach with his metal knee.

"OH NO DID I JUST KILL SQUI-CHAN?!"

"YES. NOW I'M A GHOST AND I'M GONNA HAUNT YOU. BOO"

Luss ran out crying.

Squalo climbed back into bed and for the first time, this whole vacation, no one bothered him.

* * *

Fran

Today was going to be a good day. His senpai was out of sight thanks to a few tricks, and the weather was neither unbearably hot nor too cool to enjoy being outside.

If he knew sooner that Bel had never watched The Little Mermaid, he would have done this day one.

Fran looked at the view and sat on a rock. Drawing pictures in the sand with a stick, Fran spent a good few hours passing time. Yup THIS was the perfect vacation he had always dreamed of. Just sitting outside and being left alone… Fran felt like the happiest man alive, not that you could tell by his face expression.

Drawing a pineapple in the sand Fran thought about his master. He wondered if Mukuro sat on beaches during his vacation eating pineapple all day?

"Fran"

Looking behind him Fran saw the most hideous, disgusting, deformed thin- oh wait it was only Levi.

"What?"

"I've been lost for the past few days and that's all you have to say?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I've been missing and you didn't even notice?!"

"Oh well"

"You little shit!"

A woman with two small kids who had been passing by slapped Levi hard.

"Language!"

"I swear I'll kill you all-"

"Trash"

Xanxus appeared where the woman had been and shot Levi. Then he faced Fran.

"Last thing I remember I was drinking coffee, then I'm outside, a day's past, that shit Lussuria is calling ghost busters cause that shittier shark is dead, and the damn prince brat is missing. You will not fill me in on whatever shit happened and you will get me a drink"

Wow. That was the first time Fran heard the boss say more than a sentence.

"OK"

And that marked the end of Fran's best day ever.

* * *

Squalo

That morning Squalo took the time to wash and carefully comb through his hair. Today it was even more shiny and smooth than usual.

Squalo took a walk down at the beach. It was good to be alive. He even found himself smiling, everything was great with him 'dead'.

"There! That's it!"

Four men in jumpsuits and vacuum cleaners pointed at Squalo.

"Who you gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS!" One screamed.

Oh why couldn't he have a happy ending?

Squalo walked past them, proud that he hadn't lost his temper.

Seeing some teenager with their phone out recording him, Squalo turned and waved his sword at the boy.

"VROIII, FUCK OFF!"

"The ghost has gone berserk! Don't worry, the ghost busters are here"

Switching on the vacuum, one aimed it right at his hair, sucking his silver locks in.

"VROOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"

Without thinking Squalo slashed behind him, the self-proclaimed ghost hunter screamed. As did everyone around him.

The vacuum falling away, Squalo's hair was free, and tangled, and a damaged mess.

"VROOOIIIIII LOOK WHAT YOU IDIOTS DID!"

Slicing the other three, Squalo left to get himself an ice cream. He deserved one.

Whistling, he watched as everyone ran from his sight. Now he wouldn't have to wait in line, good things really do happen to those who achieve!

Unfortunately the closest ice cream stand had to be part of a bar.

"Trash"

Squalo ducked and the wine glass hit Levi who was dragging himself towards them, leaving a blood trail behind.

"How rude of Levi to leave a trail of blood on the sand. This is a resort, he should know better" Said Fran to no one.

"Trash… This is a good vacation spot" Xanxus shot Levi again.

"…Boss... I'm sorry…"

Ignoring him Xanxus glared at Squalo.

"I'm hungry"

"FIND YOUR OWN DAMN MEALS!"

"Scum" Xanxus was about to throw the bottle of vodka at him but Fran interrupted.

"Hey boss, look at the most trending YouTube video, 'ghost vs ghost busters' "

He didn't have to ask who was on screen. Of course.

Behind him two dozen police officers came running towards them.

"My luck"

* * *

Bel

"Ushishishishi" Bel burst out laughing when he went on You Tube and saw the video.

After swimming to shore, Bel went straight to packing and killing a few of the hotel guests in order to earn enough money to buy him a ticket home.

Turning his attention back to the T.V, he surfed until he came across a news channel with a live video of the resort he was just in.

Police were surrounding Xanxus, Fran, and Squalo. A lump in the background caught his eye, instead of focusing on the monstrous thing the police were… never mind, that thing was just Levi…

Squalo rushed in and started hacking people with his sword. Xanxus started firing randomly, while Fran sat in the sand drawing things with a stick.

Out of nowhere Lussuria leapt in, sensory blocked his bottom half. The policemen went blind when they saw him, and the four Varia assassins made their getaway.

"No… boss… Don't forget me… again…"

"Nobody cares!" The officer closest to Levi yelled.

The video ended and Bel went back to surfing channels.

"Ushishishi, just another state we're banned from"

* * *

 **Well that's that, I hope you guys enjoyed the story and that it ended well enough,**

 **Thanks goes out to all of you guys who took the time to read this.**


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